Apr 29, 2014
SFX & Simon Cowell’s ‘Ultimate DJ’ Show + 11 Things We’d Rather Watch

Simon Cowell, everyone’s favorite TV talent show critic, is turning his endless wisdom on dance music with a new show titled Ultimate DJ, a collaboration with SFX Entertainment.

It was reported in a press release from SFX and partner Syco, the cleverly spelled media company headed up by Cowell himself, that the two are teaming with T-Mobile for a program centered on “EMC” (SFX’ acronym for “electronic music culture”) and judging submissions to decide who’s Got Talent, or The X Factor, or what-have-you.

After minor setbacks, Cowell will finally get his shot at the electronic music world, although since the submissions are via social media and not in person, there won’t likely be as many chances for public humiliation. The companies may want to reconsider inviting “DJs” to compete in “producer-challenges,” but no matter. EMC people will send in their EMC stuff and be judged. The best EMC will move on to live EMC challenges with spiffy special effects from SFX’ partner companies. No mention as to an air date as of yet.

We at LessThan3 are more than a little skeptical as to how this show is going to play out, so we decided to compile 11 shows we’d rather watch Simon Cowell belittle people on than Ultimate DJ:

1. So You Think You Can Little League?

little league simon cowell

“I’m sorry, but are you swinging at that ball? Or are you just epileptic? Because this is more of an embarrassment to an American pastime than veggie burgers.”

2. Fast Snails

snail race simon cowell

3. America’s Got Shoe-Tying Ability

shoelaces simon cowell

“That is the worst bow knot I’ve ever seen. Get out of here you don’t even deserve to wear shoes, gimme those… now, get out.”

4. World’s Deadliest Retired Fencer

senior citizen fencing simon cowell

5. So You Think You Can Make It Out Of The Hospital?

hospital recovery simon cowell


6. Physical Rehab Star

physical rehab simon cowell

“Embarrassing. Just plain embarrassing.”

7. America’s Next Top Field Worker

simon cowell field labor

“You call that digging? Just dig yourself a hole and jump in, because you, sir, are useless.”

8. Project Bubbles

bubbles simon cowell

“Do you think your parents are proud of you for those? Because they aren’t.”

9. CSPAN

CSPAN simon cowell

“My bowel movements take longer than that filibuster just did.”

10. Oil Spill Cleanup

oil spill simon cowell

11. Feeding The Homeless

little league simon cowell

“Is that sub even organic?”

Airplay enabled