Jul 30, 2015
Dan Bilzerian, EZoo, & 8 Cheaper Ways To Prove You’re A Tool
UPDATE: Dan Bilzerian shared his thoughts on Electric Zoo Festival via Twitter.
Electric Zoo is run by a bunch of fucking idiots, definitely not doing that again— Dan Bilzerian (@DanBilzerian) September 6, 2015
Poker star playboy, amateur karate master, and current leader of Instagram’s heated trust fund flex-off Dan Bilzerian just bought up an entire section of Electric Zoo festival in New York, and after his LIV Miami incident in December, we couldn’t be more thrilled for Randall’s Island. So, not only will he be a part of your EZoo experience, but you will be able to glance up whenever you like to check on him and his half-million-dollar party… to make sure it didn’t just spontaneously catch fire or anything weird like that.
According to TMZ, Bilzerian put $654,400 on his Amex Black card to secure an entire private VIP deck of Electric Zoo Sept. 4-6, which includes a $500,000 alcohol tab, a personal fireworks controller, and room for 200.
So if you’re in a tight spot scraping together the $240 for general admission, and the knowledge of having to eventually be near him discourages you, just remember: from a business standpoint, he made a really poor call. There are plenty of ways to demonstrate your reign as the Earth’s supreme tool without spending so much of your “poker” money.
1. Buy The T-shirt
2. Contact Guinness To Make It Official
3. Hire David Attenborough To Follow You Around And Explain Why You’re The World’s Biggest Tool To People
4. Hop Inside This Toolbox
5. Executive Produce A New Reality Show Called “America’s Got Toolbags,” Enter, And Win.
6. Post Your Resume To Instagram Instead
7. Ask Your Friends Why They Like You
8. Bring That Attitude To Electric Zoo