This was a monumental year for Dillon Francis, one which saw him take giant strides on behalf of basically all mankind in nearly every aspect of life–from entrepreneurship to philanthropy and of course, even his appallingly sh*tty music improved a little. His heartfelt breakup collab with TEED however, Without You, actually got us thinking: how the f*ck is he still single? What makes moombah’s mouthy monarch so captivating? It’s got to be that effortless lack of effort, or effortless masking thereof, that makes Dillon so likable, but at any rate, here are our top 17 reasons he topped your girlfriend’s wish list and not that subscription to Hulu Plus you gave her.
17. He’s great with kids.
“If you’re gonna get drunk, at least get drunk with me.”
16. He Loves Cats.
His cat, Mittens Francis, has his own twitter, but no privacy.
15. He’s not afraid to express his feelings about his dad.
… or lack thereof.
14. He has good aim.
13. He’s willing to teach others how to be a good producer.
… are you next, girl?
12. He IS Jesus.
… He is also Tiesto.
… and we know you love some Tiesto, girl.
11. He’s not afraid to make fun of girls.
… except you… you’re perfect, girl.
10. He gets paid to play with himself in the bathtub.
…and he’s got room for one more, girl.
9. He knows exactly what he wants and how to get it.
… and he’s gon’ share it all with you, girl.
8. He is socially conscious. He donates food to people in need to promote DJ awareness! What a guy!
7. Not only does he cook, but he cooks drunk.
… and for $1,500, he will cook your sh*tty recipe and pretend to like it.
6. He’s entertaining, even at the airport.
… your entertainment is top priority, girl.
5. He’s not afraid to share his feelings.
…open up and let him in, girl.
4. He made this awesome video. Then auctioned all of the shirts off for charity.
3. His alter ego, DJ Hanzel, is not afraid to go von deeper.
2. He loves Taco Bell so much, he bought one.
And you can order whatever you want, girl.