Apr 22, 2014
17 Highly Unlikely, Borderline Drownable DJ Babies

On a constant mission to waste our time to help you waste your own, we ran some of our fantasy EDM couples through the best baby generator we could find (keyword is “best”), without considering sexual orientation or anatomical limitations, of course.

Some were amusing and cute to look at, and some were… better at demonstrating why tigers sometimes eat their young. For extra pointless fun, we tossed all our combos in at the bottom.

Armin van Buuren + Liv Nervo

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Aww, not bad. Golden locks like his mum. Also maybe stoned.

Armin van Buuren + Orjan Nilsen

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This one’s all “I don’t give a f*ck who you are, I do my own thing… like wearing big green hats. So f*ck off, alright?”

Maya Jane Coles + Arty

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At least the hair came out right!

Calvin Harris + Thomas Bangalter

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We’re pretty sure neither of the parents here offer any Arabic descent, but it seems to think that there’s a turban under that helmet, because their child came out looking like the youngest-ever Sikh freedom fighter.

Avicii + TOKiMONSTA

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Aww, this one’s actually quite cute. And look, she already knows how to DJ a festival.

Carnage + a Chipotle burrito

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Striving to show a little true love among all this absurd dream-breeding, we matched up Carnage and his one and only, a Chipotle burrito, but ended up with this small ginger… person. To our surprise, the Latino background of Carnage couldn’t overpower the usually recessive caucasian genes of Chipotle, the poster child of whitewashed burritos. Maybe it’s all the sour cream?

Dash Berlin + Yasmine Yousaf

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WHOAH! Wow, I mean… hmm. Yeah, that’s… uh… wow. Two really attractive people, and of opposite sexes to boot, and this is what we get: a middle-aged man balding from the stresses of his daily grind. Anyway, congratulations to Dash Berlin and Yasmine Yousaf on birthing a 45-year-old certified public accountant. Mazel tov, for sure.

Steve Aoki + Dash Berlin

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Poor Dash. It seems like he’s having trouble passing on his handsome genes, but let’s be honest; Steve’s mug isn’t doing this poor girl any favors either.

Dillon + Martin Garrix

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Between one dad-less parent and one parent barely old enough to be a dad, it’s obviously suggesting that this kid should just hop straight into the workforce and skip childhood.

Zedd + Dillon

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Something tells us someone wasn’t completely faithful in this relationship.

Armin + Dimitri Vegas

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Or here. And for f*ck’s sake someone get that kid a second chopstick so he can eat before he stabs somebody with it.

Hardwell + Nicole Moudaber

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GAH! Jeez, don’t sneak up on us like that, kid. Here, wear something over that face before the FBI comes to take you to Area-51.

deadmau5 + deadmau5

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Another stab at true love, we matched deadmau5 up with his favorite person on Earth, and boy, is vanity ugly.

Mim Nervo + Nicole Moudaber

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OK, now that’s not funny.

Skrillex + Nyan Cat

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Make a bunny, apparently.

Skrillex + BT

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Finally, one that looks the part. Baby DJ school, maybe?

Skrillex + Rebecca

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A hippie from the womb.


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*No babies were drowned in the making of this post.